DateableWhat to say to bar staff when you feel unsafe on a date
Go to the bar or bathroom and ask staff plainly for help getting out. They can call a taxi, give you a safe space or call security.
If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable on a date, go to the bar or the bathroom and ask staff plainly for help. They can call you a taxi, give you a safe space, or get security involved. You never need to explain why.
Venue staff want to help
Bar and restaurant staff see a lot. They notice when someone looks uncomfortable or scared. Many venues, especially those participating in the Ask for Angela scheme, are trained to spot people in trouble and step in without making it worse. Your safety matters more than your date's feelings. When you ask for help, staff will act. You do not need to worry about being rude or causing a scene: staff prefer a scene to someone leaving in danger.
The reason to ask staff instead of just leaving alone is simple: getting home safely matters. If your date follows you out, if the area is rough, if you have been drinking and do not feel stable, or if something about your date scares you, a staff member can make sure you get to a taxi, ride-share or your car without being alone. Staff also know the area, know what transport is reliable at your time of night, and can make sure the driver takes you where you say.
What to say
Keep it simple. You do not need to tell staff what went wrong, who made you feel unsafe, or how. A fact and a request is enough. Say it quietly if you want to, or loudly: staff will listen either way.
I'm on a date and I don't feel safe. Can you call me a taxi and let me wait here?
If you are worried about your phone battery or do not have cash for a taxi, say that too. Most venues can cover a taxi fare rather than see someone walk home alone or unsafe at night. If your date is the problem and staff see you are in trouble, they may also call police or security without you asking.
Walk up to the bar, a till point or any staff member you can find. Do not ask your date's permission or warn them. Simply go. If staff are busy, wait for one to be free. If you are in the bathroom, ask an attendant or leave and find a staff member at the bar or front desk. Take a moment to breathe. You do not need to cry or perform distress. Saying you do not feel safe is enough.
What staff can do
- Call a taxi for you. Many venues keep numbers for local firms. Staff can order it, tell the driver where to pick you up, and settle the fare.
- Give you a safe space. You can wait in the staff area, the manager's office or a secure room while the taxi comes. You are not staying at the table.
- Stay with you. A staff member can wait with you so you do not feel alone and your date cannot talk you out of leaving.
- Call police or security. If your date becomes aggressive or refuses to leave you alone, staff can involve security or call police.
- Reunite you with friends. If you came with people, staff can find them and let them know you are leaving or help you meet them somewhere else.
Ask for Angela
In the UK and some other countries, the Ask for Angela scheme trains venue staff to help anyone who feels unsafe. Angela is a fictional staff member: when you ask for her, it signals to staff that you need help getting out. Participating venues display a sticker or poster in the window and on the bar. 1
Even if a venue does not participate in Ask for Angela, you can still ask for help. Use Angela's name if it feels easier, or ask plainly. Either way, staff will understand.
Spiking and other dangers
Spiking is giving someone a drink with extra alcohol or drugs added without their knowledge. 2 Symptoms come on suddenly: dizziness, confusion, nausea, blurred vision, memory loss or hallucinations. If your drink tastes different, you feel suddenly drunk, or your body feels wrong, tell staff immediately. This is an emergency. Staff can get you medical help, keep you safe and preserve evidence.
If you suspect a spike, do not drive or take a ride-share alone. Stay where you are with staff and wait for someone you trust to come, or let staff call an ambulance. You will not get in trouble for being spiked. The venue wants to know, and medical staff are there to help.
Other reasons to leave a date early: your date touches you without permission, pressures you for sex or money, talks about things that scare you, or simply does not feel right. Trust your instinct. Read more on what to do if something goes wrong.
Before the date
Plan ahead. Before your first date, tell someone you trust where you will be and when you expect to be home. Give them your date's profile or photo. Ask them to check in with you during the date and answer. Choose a venue you know, somewhere public with staff around. If the venue is new to you, scope it out beforehand so you know where the exits are and where you can find staff.
Keep your phone charged. Have enough money for a taxi home. Do not leave a drink unattended. If something feels off before you even meet, cancel the date.
You are allowed to leave
Leaving early does not make you rude. You do not owe your date your time. You do not owe them sex, a kiss, a second date or an explanation. If you want to go, you go. Staff are there to help you do that safely. Read more about safety on first dates.
Sources
- Wakefield Council (2026). Ask for Angela.
- Gloucestershire Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust (2025). Spiking.
